Old words written on a piece of cardboard

I figured I'd share this. I wrote these phrases scattered on a piece of random cardboard near the start of this crazy thing they call a semester abroad. It may not make complete sense. It does to me.

I woke up to snow this morning, fell asleep to that familiar orange sky, a Skype picture of the family clearly portrayed in my memory, my Snoopy calendar reminding me what love is in more than one way (12 to be exact), the comforts of home. I treat myself better here, let myself go. Maybe Kristin is right. It's nothing more than a trip, but nothing less than a long term emergence experience. I wake up every morning, look out my window with surprise. Yep, I'm still here. I find myself simply wanting to be with the family, do what they do, I guess because I have no schedule of my own to follow, nothing lined up. I panic a little. While it will never be home, it is mi casa now and that's no dream. 

(About our first visit to the university)

It was as if we were works of art, statues in a great but new exhibit. As they passed, they attempted to observe us and make some meaning, each individual with an opinion about us as our blank stares glared past them in our own attempt to convey an undistinguishable message to the masses. We didn't even know what our faces said, but I'm sure they were interpreted.

This month, love is walking hand in hand, in case you were wondering. 

I just listened to John Mayer's "Stop This Train" for the 70-millionth time. This time, I caught these lyrics...

Once in a while, when it's good

It'll feel like it should

And they're all still around

And you're still safe and sound

And you don't miss a thing

'Til you cry when you're driving away in the dark

I don't want to be that be. I don't want to regret my experience this time. Maybe it's all how I look at this trip. I mean, come on, I am in Spain. Pretty awesome, huh? This wasn't news, more like olds. Actual news next time. Until then hasta luego : )

Just got back from a freezing cold walk in Villa, my town here. In case you're wondering, it's a great way to wake up and clear your mind all at the same time. I wandered through a barren courtyard of the town's castillo, glanced at pieces of beautifully shattered glass underneath the lamps of a nearby park, spotted a new cafe past the bars and children's centers, and was overcome by a feeling of yearning to learn and explore while I'm here. This time, I wish I had my camera. There were some sights today that I apparently felt mattered. While they were small, I felt it in my gut that they were important. It humbled me to think that I really don't know anything about this country, this city, this town. 

It's funny how much you reveal when you try to honestly explain the trip to another person. For me, that person was Mike, who came in with a group of 20 from Elon who were finishing up their winter term in Spain with a trip to the capital. He could tell I wasn't thrilled with the experience and trying to explain to him why, I found myself explaining the pressure we are putting on ourselves to constantly have that "amazing experience". We aren't visiting for 3 weeks; we are living here. It's different. He was highly discouraged that making Spanish friends is difficult and was seemingly determined to break that stereotype when and if he comes to Madrid for the semester. I guess my theory is if it happens, it happens. I will try, but trying too hard could seem incredibly superficial. I just want to be happy with the friends I have. One thing I mentioned many times was that I believe that it can only get better for me here. There is nothing superficial about that statement.

On a lighter, more pulsing beat note, a group of us experienced the discoteca legend known as El Kapital last night. While the entrance fee was an expense I'd rather not disclose (we thought we were getting in free but apparently "stupid Americans" don't make the cut), it was truly epic. The foundation of the place was a techno heaven, complete with incredible lights, a cold air sprayer thing out of the ceiling (which made me feel like Marlyn Monroe with her flowing dress during song changes) and burlesque techno hotties on stage. Another dance floor featured the purely American sounds of 50 Cent, Jay-Z and others. Of course that was my dance floor to own and Josue's new dancing classroom, but we won't go there. Reggaeton was another floor up, followed by a mini-movie theater for those simply seeking a make-out session or a place to sleep. The top floor was a unbelievably classy terrace with pillowed seats surrounding the fountain with palms in the middle and a bartender who made our free drink worth it. All in all, a fantastic night that should have ended with churros and chocolate at 7:30 AM (when we got home) but didn't because it was Sunday and who the hell opens their cafe on a Sunday morning for loud and obnoxious 20-somethings? If you find out, let me know.

Tomorrow classes begin. I don't have a notebook to write in. I'm petrified that the amount of work will obliterate any hopes of traveling in the future. I hope we all make friends.

Like a pair of new shoes... it's just the beginning

First and foremost, let me apologize to anyone who was planning on me keeping them up to date with a blog. Journaling and such "chores" have often led to procrastination for me, as do many other things. I guess too that I was embarrassed of the lack of anticipated excitement that has occurred. Have I done fantastic things? No doubt. Have I met interesting people? Absolutely. I suppose that I assumed that taking me an ocean away would instantly make me a different person, a person who was constantly excited, constantly motivated and constantly living the moments. Sometimes I try too hard and others not at all. However, I do find myself in a constant state of desire. I desire to meet new people (and really meet them, none of the small-talk shit we do in the US), see new things (not just see them, but indulge in them), try new foods (check on that), go new places, try on a new life. That's just what it should be I suppose, like trying on a pair of shoes or something. I might have to wear them in to be comfortable, but once I do, I can't take them off. 

So what have I done so far? The minute I arrived, I was immersed in this culture. More so, I was like the oil resting on the top of an unshaken bottle of dressing, obviously different in the mix but still supposed to be there. My family of wonderfully friendly and (more importantly) patient people took me to "la comida" with 25 of their friends. So intimidating but a great way for me to not be able to consider my nerves. I ordered whatever Luis told me to. I couldn't understand the majority of conversations. It was wonderful.

Speaking of wonderful, there's the group. I'll lay out the basic characters that are in this drama I call "Real Madrid", of course after the prominent soccer team here in the city. We have me, the socially reserved but often way too outgoing girl who probably is only good for a quick annoyance with her camera and frustrated persistence to speak Spanish. Danielle, who I have found to be probably my closest friend on the trip, is the more quiet one with the crazy host mom who owns two restaurants here in Villa (aka- free food and great places to chill for us). Sarah and Emily are the hilarious dynamic duo on this trip and I am definitely guilty of picking up their coined phrases of "absolutely not" and "cut me". My neighbor chica, Shelly, is quite the social butterfly and is constantly finding ways to surprise me with her cute rings and invitations to Lemon (a club where her host brother works). Ellen is the chill one of the group, always looking to have a good time but always going with the flow. Her witty comments crack me up. There's Daniel, the boy who lives in El Bosque (meaning "the forest", it's a part of town that we tease him profusely for living in). Phil is the only non-Eloner and is said to roam around in a red and white striped shirt with a cane to pose for the latest edition of "Where's Waldo?" (okay, not really but he could). He is quite the ladies man here. So here we all are in this little and tranquil town called Villaviciosa de Odon outside of a city known for its art, tapas, wine and all night parties. This should make for an interesting plot, right?

A quick overview of what I've done, but this doesn't do it justice. Met everyone in the group, ate rascon and chocolate in the cafe, finally got phones, visited Museo del Prado and Reina Sofia, had tapas in the city, bar-hopped in Villa, went out until 6:30 AM at a discoteca, ate ham carved from an actual pig leg (still in the kitchen as we speak), went to a traditional San Sebastian festival in town, did a live shot for Phoenix14 from my bedroom, planned future trips (to possibly Morocco, Paris, Rome, Valencia, Barcelona, London and more), met the international students at UEM (our university), been to a bunch of pointless Spanish and orientation sessions, felt great, felt horrible, been happy, been sad, experienced excitement, lost motivation, assumed, broke my norms, regained old habits, desired to start new ones, read, called my mom for her birthday and slept. And I am far from content...